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Archive for the ‘Kent’ Category

Sheerness, Isle of Sheppey shithole extraordinaire

Posted on: August 18th, 2010 by admin 33 Comments

I feel it is my duty to inform you all about this town that I can only describe as the festering cat turd in the Garden of England. Sheerness is an industrial eyesore and the majestic ‘crapital’ of the Isle of Sheppey, on the North Kent coast. If you have never heard of Sheerness, that’s because it’s the kind of isolated hellhole, you have to go far, far out of your way to wash up in. It is not somewhere you just leisurely pass through on your way to more salubrious parts of North Kent like Chatham or Gravesend. It was my misfortune to be a frequent visitor to this insular chav paradise and for 6 miserable months, a full time Sheerness resident.
So lets take a tour of Sheerness-on-sea.

To guide you I have taken a satellite map of Sheerness and shaded the different areas.

The first thing you’ll notice as you approach Sheerness by car on the A249 is the smell. I can only describe it as mixture of burning car electrics and sulphur. This allegedly comes from the Steel Mill and of course, is in no way toxic, in fact, it’s just like breathing in fresh alpine air. You will soon come to point 1 on the map. Here you can park and savour the sight of the Steel Mill in all its non-third world glory. It really is breathtakingly beautiful just like Port Talbot. As you travel onwards, you will drive past Blue Town before you know it. Due to the prevailing wind, Blue Town usually gets a good dose of the alleged meadow fresh alpine air from the Steel Mill. Consequently, no one wants to live there apart from Junkies and various other assorted filth.

In no time at all you’ll be in the heart of this bustling metropolis. Well, the bottom of the High Street, Tescos and that shining beacon of non-chavdom McDonalds, as you reach point 2 on the map. Here is one of the finest chav spotting areas in the country. Yes, the whole country. To the right of McDonalds is the Sand Pit. In the summer months, the local chav community like to avail themselves of something from McDonalds £1 menu and chav it up in and around the Sand Pit like flies around shite. Don’t ask me what the mythical attraction is of this kids play area (apart from somewhere to walk your pitbull cross) and for the love of god, don’t go spotting at night when Tantra nightclub is in full swing. You will need counselling for years to get over the Post Traumatic Stress.

If you have the stomach to proceed into the heart of the beast Sheerness, you can now head for point 3 on the map. This is a designated parking area for visitors, as I’m sure you’ll want to explore to truly unremarkable High Street. If you roll up on a Tuesday, you can just forget it and find another car park, as for on Tuesdays this area becomes the chav holy shrine, where all come to worship just after they’ve dropped their clutch of illegitimate children off at school and cracked open their first can of reassuringly costly French Lager. Yes, behold Sheerness market. So good, a free bus service picks up vermin from outlying holding pens such as Rushenden and Queenborough to pray at the Alter of out-of-date crisps, broken biscuits and snide designer wear. Hallelujah!
Point 3 is what some people consider the Sheerness Golden Triangle, the Market, the Police Station and the Job Centre, an area where Sheerness chavs spend 90% of their time, when out of the house. It has to be said that Sheerness is one of the most densely chav populated places in the Home Counties. A town only rivaled in the infestation league by the mighty Chav Mecca that is Chatham. However, Sheerness seems to counteract this chav density by having the highest population of freaks I have seen anywhere. Now what do I mean by freaks? We are talking the retarded, fugly, walking posters for why cousins should not breed. Forget the backwards island keep-it-in-the-family urban myth, this is because an alpha Chav can impregnate so many 14 year old schoolgirls, that half of the next generation don’t know they are genetically related.
If you are thinking of moving to this god-forsaken town for whatever reasons, commuting, low house prices, insanity, etc, please, please, don’t do it, even the pits of Thanet are more attractive, believe me. However if you want to regress to a more simian like primitive creature, be my guest!

Greeting to Rule and Rule, Mann & Co, Ward & Partners, Sheppey Estates, Broadway Estates and any other agents on the Island of Dreams!

Point 1 – http://tinyurl.com/2ws2ypc
Point 2 – http://tinyurl.com/35xzt3c
Point 3 – http://tinyurl.com/322f9bs

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My deep & detailed personal attack against the town of Ramsgate & the majority of its citizens.

Posted on: July 19th, 2010 by RichB17 22 Comments

Having lived in this seemingly peaceful & quaint seaside town all my life it seems like a relaxing place to live.  However, & obviously, there is another side to this story.

The Ramsgate tourist board pride itself on having a Royal Harbour.  So.  Who the f**k wants to see it? Essentially it’s just a just a place where boats park.  Occasionally, ferries go to Oostende & Dunkirk.  Who’s going on these ferries when there only a 20 minute drive & a channel tunnel journey away from Calais where the Utopia of cheap fags & booze awaits.  It’s the only town in the World who’s appearance is made more attractive by an off shore windfarm, which to be honest, in most places are an eyesore & essentially just lampposts with the Mercedes logo spinning from them.

Now the town centre itself.  I feel the best way to describe it, is imagine an Olympic Village.  No the inhabitants aren’t at the peak of physical fitness, instead there are lots of people wearing tracksuits, who can barely speak English.  Most of them have also perfected the Manchester monkey walk with their Doberman’s on a leach made out of a chain link fence stolen from a car park of a furniture store warehouse.

It is such a bad place to live now, that when the cannabis farms in the town were destroyed by the Police, it must have left a gaping hole in our local economy so deep it is beyond ever recovering.  You will often see market stalls set up in the middle of the town centre which makes it impossible to cut a wide berth when you see someone coming up to you & trying to sell you stolen second hand goods at a largely inflated price, of which they refer to as a ‘pwopper bargain mate’.  With the amount of different stuff on sale, from beach towels to alarm clocks, it is literally a convention for ‘Jack’s of all trades. Masters of f**k all’.

The only good thing about the town centre was Woolworths.  It’s not there anymore.  Infact the contributing factor to Woolworths going out of business was probably because the chavs of the town, which there are many, stole so much stuff they were running at a loss for the entire company nationwide.

The Newington Estate is a great example, of how the benefits system has failed the tax payers of Great Britain.   It’s a good thing the Jeremy Kyle studio is in Manchester or they would just have people turning up from here all the time.  I have frequently visited this estate & on a couple of occasions I’ve seen cars on fire in the street.  I must say that not all people from here are scum, but the ones who are, are the worst type of scum.  You know, the sort that never work or want to work, have children at 14, have their hair pulled back so much that a cheap alternative to Botox has been created, drop out of school relying on decent people to support their alcohol & drug problems.  Yeah, that type of scum, who if you ask to go f**k themselves, they may give it a try.

The night life isn’t that great either, although there are many different nightclubs & pubs with most of them having free entry.  I will use only one example to make my point. The Sovereign night club.  Most nights, at least two lads will have a fight or an argument outside, where the rest of the public (including myself) just watch on as a sick form of entertainment, might aswell though, inside the music is rubbish, the TV’s just show Sky Sports News on it’s ever boring loop & no one can afford the drinks.   Then when your leaving the clubs & maybe fancy a thing to eat, you may get assaulted in a kebab shop like I was once. This twat said he slipped on the carpet & bumped into me ‘by accident’ when instead he punched me in the back of the head & pushed me into the glass display where my elbow was cut, although the punch was pretty weak & he is probably a heroin junkie.

This town used to be good, as was Margate, in being popular seaside towns for many tourists but most of the people that have moved from suburbs in London have turned it into an urban wasteland.  I am actually surprised that the suicide rate for this town isn’t higher than that at Beachy Head as it’s so morbidly a depressing place to live now.  I’m not denying that some parts of it are good, i.e. most of the westcliff is pleasant, usually clean parks, good views of the sea (although some days you can clearly see France) & the beach, but now it is the only place in the world where a tuxedo & a shell suit are the considered the same thing.

I am recommending immediate evacuation from here for the decent citizens, maybe Canterbury & maybe further beyond.  Then maybe the 10,000 artillery shells it deserves to have levelled at it will commence.  To some up how rubbish it is here, there’s a verse about it in ‘The Thanet Anthem’, search it in YouTube & it will give an indication as to what I’m going on about.

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Jog on you jesters! – Re Deal

Posted on: December 10th, 2009 by Walmer N.E. 2 Comments

Having the town of Deal appear on this site at all is laughable and what a sad individual it must take to deride any aspect of such a pleasant and historic town if he or she lived here or knew it well.  Jog on and leave us to enjoy the place.  Just learning how to use a forum are we?  Too bad you didn’t learn to spell.

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Chartham (Pronounced Char’am)

Posted on: October 7th, 2008 by admin 1 Comment

Well, reading through, i’ve noticed that both Canterbury & Ashford have both well afforded a mention. However, somewhere in the middle just off the main A28 is the “chav stop off” called Chartham, (Known by the locals as Char’am, with a kind of uhh in the middle).

I grew up in The Hyde. First few years were great, but then like any housing estate the chavs flocked to the waiting lists from miles around like flies to a cows arse, not to say that chavs are in anyway related to the flies, well maybe they are.  Running the estate are the Junior Chav Posse (JCP), a group of 12 year old chavs, you can tell the different sexes only by the creoles that I think the female of the species wear and if you want to get the low down on whos getting laid by who, you can check out the chalk inscriptions under the archway between 20 & 21. Don’t loiter there too long, and if you need somewhere to hide form any chav parents, somewhat puzzled by the appearance of a stranger in the hood, you can take refuge in one of the many burned out cortinas or escorts in the back carpark (watch for chav stained needles and condoms)

There is a top end in the estate (the estate was built on a hill) and it seems the king chavs live up there and the peasant chavs lived at the bottom, I have to admit, I never had the courage to go up the so I can’t comment. But watch out for stray chav dogs, they used to be pitbulls but over the generations have been cross-bred with their owners, who knows what they are, and they will bite you and do off with any jewlery.

Out of the estate you head up Bolts Hill, I can’t believe developers tore down the white house, (a derelict 5 bed – painted white) this was a great hang out and kept around 20% of the JCP off the street at any one time, a notorious stop of for a shag and a joint.

What ever you do when you reach Shalmsford Street DO NOT cross over into Bobin Lodge Hill, it is rumoured that the oldest chav family in the uk live down there, nobody quite knows when they date back to.

Turn left up Shalmsford Street and you come to the Chav County Primary School, formally Stour Valley Secondary. It is said that this change from secondary to primary school came about by a secret annonimous protest of non-chavs lead by the local vicar, in an attempt to rid the village of teen chavs for 7 hours of the day.

At the top of Shalmsford Street is the former St Augustines Hospital, this psychiatic (mental) hospital was closed some years ago, releasing its inmates onto the streets of Chartham. Nobody quite knows what happened to this sudden surge on the population, some say they were all rounded up and dumped in Griffin Lakes (Owned again by Chavs), some say they simply intergrated into the chav population (and thrived, being of similar minds)

There are a few nice places to visit, the local w(rec)k is often quiet (on rainy days) as too is Shalmsford w(rec)k. St Marys’ Church is quiet from wednesday through to Saturday, Sunday to Tuesday you wont get past the religous gold clad chav mums queuing to sin for their chav kids and dogs misdeeds.

Infact if you find yourself driving down the A28 heading past Chartham, you are better off just keep on heading past, chances are there will be a 7 year old kiddie chav with a key that fits your car.

Top ten things to avoid if visiting Chartham:

10  Bakers Lane
9    Telephone Boxes
8    Anyone between the age of 2 and dead
7    Dogs that look as though they’re inbred with humans
6    Humans that look as though they’re inbred with dogs
5    Knives, Guns and Needles
4    The streets between 4 and 5 pm. School home time.
3    Top of The Hyde
2    Griffin Lake
1    Bobin Lodge Hill

And if you do find yourself in Chartham whether visiting, or you took a wrong turn……

………..Good Luck !!

and one further note, if you are heading Canterbury bound and manage to get through Chartham unscathed, do not stop in Thanington.

I often wonder if I am desitined to evolve and grow in a chav environment as I not live in Hailsham Sussexs’ Chav Central and the birthplace of the Chav. Check out this story http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=843

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Faversham

Posted on: October 7th, 2008 by admin 2 Comments

This is the second time i have posted this, but the first was in reply to a faversham thread, however i did not think irt would get enough people reading it, if anyone wishes to send me a message saying how wrong i am, how obviously unintelligent i am not to realise that these people you’ve never spoken to to or know anything about are really the scum of the earth or anything else please feel free, i am going to go answer the door now to my friend Nathan, who is probably drinking a can or beer and smoking a roll up, and yes he probably is wearing his prison issue shoes and TN hat, I think he is probably bruised and battered from a fight he got into last night, i think he’s here to get teh recipe for rockcakes off my mum and for me to help him with his reading.

I think that you are all making yourself look completely ignorant and vile by the way you stereotype and judge these people.
Everything that has been said has been completely exagerated and im disgusted with how people make faversham and its population look when i doubt a single one of you have ever even talked to any of these “chavs”.
I am 17 and I come from faversham and am probably friends with most of these peopel you are talking about, probably some of the “worse” ones, the druggies and car theives and such like.
Do you have any idea of the backgrounds some of these people come from? Or would that just be another point of riducule? That these kids have grown up in care or have been abused? Funny isnt it?
Now I’m someone who’s grown up in a background of festivals Bob Dylan and The Small Faces, however that does not make me a snob to any of those that you may consider “The lower class of citizen”
I’m utterly appalled that people could be so vilely judgemental!
I agree that some of these people can be as bad a you say, but that does not mean to tar them with all the same brushes, what about the christian “geeks” that turn around to my gay best friend and tell him he will end up in hell? Something which me “chavvy” frinds would never dream of doing.
Yes you say they will shout at you in the street, but you seem to be the kind of people that walk past and give us a dirty look, which beleive me is never appreciated.

All my friends are welcome in my house, whether they are wearing a cheap nike hoody and are drinking cheap beer and have their eyebrows peirced, or they are flamboyantly gay and are listening to Madonna. Or they are bedecked entirly in black and have Job For A Cowboy on their Ipods.
Now in your little world this must mak no sense whatso ever, that a so called “chav” would even consider being friends with a homosexual and a heavy metal fanatic?
But this is because you do not know these people in the slightest.
Yes they’ve been in prison, yes they get into fights, but that doesnt stop them being the loyalist of friends, people that will see my mother in the street and help her carry her shopping home, these people who you judge that have had battered childhoods that the school system and adults have given up on are actually still people.
So please next time you think about reaching out your filthy tar brush to stain people you dont even know, think about the 15 year old in his adidas hoody and fake burberry wearing big gold rings carrying a empty can of beer sitting next to me on my sofa watching loose women with me an my mum and eating a cake him and my other mates had just helping my mum make.

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