Richey Edwards from the Manic Street Preachers is quoted to have said about his hometown “if Blackwood was a museum it would be full of shit and rubble”. Chorley on the other hand IS a museum made of shit and rubble.
If you want to experience life in a 19th century slum town with everything bad about the 20th century added for good measure you could do worse than visit Chorley, or Charley as the tracksuits call it.
By: ranton
They say the devil makes work for idle hands – and the hands of Torre near Torquay are very very idle – except when distributing drugs or fighting. Whilst Torre is not the end of the line on the railway, it is the end of the line for many of it’s inhabitants.
Torre’s population is surprisingly diverse with people drifting in from Chavtowns nationwide. Do they come to breath the sea air, go fishing or take picnics on nearby Dartmoor? Perhaps they’re looking for a fresh start?
No, they come because the seaside is as far as they can get from whatever disaster they’ve left behind – whilst still being able to collect incapacity benefit - as residents of Plymouth, Dover or Hastings will testify. Paradoxically, most are ‘incapable’ of even brushing their teeth – but who’s choice is that?
When it’s not raining the rows of hotels with their exotic plants look quite attractive – but don’t be fooled! – this is just a facade to keep the council happy. A clue is the dusty ’no vacancies’ sign glued to the window in mid-winter.
Step inside and you enter a dingy, musty dungeon peppered with the sound of sobbing, moaning and ‘dry heaving’ drifting down the stairwell - as alcholics live out the rest of their days in apparent opprobrium. One or two die each month just falling down the stairs or out of their windows. The 1970s handmade wallpaper tells of happier times before the zombies arrived.
Torre’s pubs are more lively but not in a way you would want. Take the Torre Abbey – featured on Crimewatch March 31st 2011. It makes the Queen Vic seem positively tranquil. Stay there for more than half an hour and you’ll be talking to the police – not necessarily about anything you’ve done – but whether you ‘saw’ anything.
Do you like that sinking feeling when a stranger walks up to you and says ‘I don’t like your face!” holding a snooker cue the wrong way round? Then come here. If you like a fight, you’ll get tired just ‘stepping outside’. Incidentally the cue weilding chav is now their bouncer.
Of course no Chavtown is complete without a drugs problem and torre is so awash with narcotics that dealers operate a ‘first past the post’ system to get to you. I had someone knocking on my toilet door 5 minutes after a general enquiry.
Sadly though, drugs appear not to be for partying here. The local way is to go crashing about in a family restaurant in filthy clothes at lunchtime, then spend 20 minutes remembering what a pint is - just as the police arrive.
It might be ’grim t’north’ but it’s worse at Britain’s dangling ‘extremities’. The next day, I never felt such relief to be back in a London traffic jam.
Wiltshire is a beautiful place with many lovey villages and towns, but unfortunatley some of these are chavtastic. Wootton Basset, Calne and Chippenham are the places to avoid. These three suffer from the usual type of chavvy behaviour that we have come to expect, boy racers Vauxhall Corsa/Subaru Impretzas, drunken kids etc. I visited friends in Wootton Bassett and took my kids to the local play park it had CCTV, I have only seen this before in large cities, I was told that this is due to the chavvy kids drinking booze. I was also told the town has won the title of inbread capital of Wiltshire, its also where all the people who cant afford to live in swindon buy houses.
Well, you could say that Redruth is a small mining town in the heart of Cornwall, set around a red river and beaches. But step afoot in the town centre and you will be hit with an influx of 6 toed buck tooth Irish Gypsies, who won’t just take you for everything you have, they’ll make you look right cunts whilst doing so. Then you have the local drunkards who gather outside Iceland and slouch against the wall almost 24/7. Huddling together sharing body-warmth, White Star and their sisters. Move slightly further down town and you will find a nice burnt out toy shop which cleverly has been broken into and is now used as a needle drop in, where crack heads can freely dump their aids ridden needles and exchange them for someone elses. Further a field again and you may be unlucky enough to find the infamous ‘close hill’ estate, which has been on the national news several times, mainly for earning the award of the first curfew for a whole estate in the country. congratulations to anyone from close hill reading this, your eight legged mother will be impressed. Back to the town centre now, and you will find the majority of people shopping/stealing/jacking up are infact eastern Europeans, which is ironic considering that everyone from Redruth hates anyone that isnt their cousin. Funnier still is the drug dealer above a charity shop. They regularly get burgled by armed gangs and never learn their lesson. Well that just about sums up this poverty driven, eastern European majority, racist, interbred gyspy community.
JUst off Junction 9 of the M5 is the beautiful town of Tewkesbury. Well least it would be beautiful if The Tewkesbury folk didn’t live there!
I have been down here for 6 years now and after moving from a scummy town in Leicestershire i believed my standards had gone up. Looking round on my first day they had but then i got into a conversation with someone and my standards had actually gone down.
Around 90% of the population of this town sounds like a member of the Wurzels, 95% of them are related and the other 5% are like me and moved here by mistake.
Like i’ve siad Tewkesbury town centre is actually a nice place and if you venture north of the town towards Mitton then the standards get higher. However, if you head in the other direction then you reach Priors Park. A modern day council estate where low life benefit fraudsters and drug dealers live. It’s certainly not a place to go at night unless you were brought up there or you wanted drugs.
Tewkesbury town council decided that because there were more and more priors park folk being bred then they would create another estate called the Wheatpieces or Priors Park mark2. It is a relatively new estate and had to house the younger scum that priors park was creating. The Wheatpieces has a nice little community centre/maternity ward, a spar shop full of cigarettes and white lightning cider however one thing this estate and priors park does lack is a job centre. The council decided not to relocate the job centre which means these low lives actually have to venture into town every week to collect their giros and to sign on. Because of this the town has had to create businesses like Mojos, a replacement of Montells. Apparently you still need wellies to get there and the smell of urine has been pin pointed to there however the smell could also be located in One Stop or Pronto’s pizza place next door.
Considering there is a great history of this town and the buildings dating back to the 1600′s there are an unusual amount of take aways in Tewkesbury to accomodate the folk of Priors Park, the Wheatpieces and other inbred towns folk. I can only presume that Tewkesbury Abbey is the only church in town which accepts marriages between families. The other week i was walking my dog past the abbey and i noticed a wedding party outside. I ask one of them why there wasn’t many guests (presuming they’d be inside), the answer i got however was disturbing……. ” all the guests are here however it’s difficult to invite people when the bride and groom are brother and half sister.
There are however good things to come out of Tewkesbury, namely the M5 northbound and southbound, the A4119 towards Cheltenham (but don’t get me started on that pit of a town!!!) and the River Severn.
The last thing wrong with Tewkesbury is the ska band [spunge]. They are a local band who have been together since the mid 90′s. THey have had 1, possibly 2, top 40 hits and were signed to a record label. The band and their loyal following seem to think they’re invincible and as big as the Beatles. The 4 band members are hitting mid-late 30′s and still won’t give up feeding the town with poor quality music. Their tours remind me of a tour Chesney Hawkes would do if he hadn’t have given up after his one hit wonder. The funny thing about this band is they are not even as popular as [sponge]bob squarepants.
If you’re going to visit Tewkesbury then please don’t speak to anyone as it will taint you’re visit to this splendid town!