Having lived in the town for the past 21 and a half years, i have always known this town to be a shit-hole. but most recently i have noticed a far worse fate for this former rail-way town, it is Chav-Paradise! Being a rocker, i have always dispised this sort of person!
Looking around the town centre, it’s very easy to see why this is a living Chav-Hole, all you see is young, single teenage mothers pushing around push-chairs, going into the local Maccy D’s looking to grease up for their latest feed.
there’s not really a particular chav hang-out spot here, as they are everywhere, but if i was to pin-point a certain area, Penhill would be the one. Full of council-house estates and off-licenses, this is the part of Swindon which is most talked about for it’s vandalism and violence, not to mention the fact that it just runs along one big road, Penhill Drive. full of little kiddies in their chav unifrom bought from the McArthur Glen Outlet Village, they all congrigate in their little "crews" shouting abuse at passers by, starting small fires and breaking windows!

as for the Mod-Chavs, the place for this is the McDonalds Drive-Thru car park in the small shopping complex called Greenbridge Retail Park (yes, they have an Argos and JJB Sports!), this is where all the chavs with their modded Nova’s and Corsa’s hang out revving their filthy engines thinking that people will actually be impressed by their 1.2 litres! you can’t fail to notice the group of capped idiots there everytime you visit, especially at around 8pm, as this is the time they all come out to chav!

so on closing, i think that Swindon is one of the most Chavved out places in the country, as there are many of these stupid little fuckers lining the streets without jobs, parasites of society, tkaing my hard-earned tax money!

well to be honest i dont know where to start really ! the town is an absolute shit hole.
tossers who are clearly white mixed up thinking they are black ,chavs thinking they are gangsters from compton ,and flat peaks as far as the eye can see.
yup thats a typical sight in trowbridge asda car park.

well i have had first hand experience in dealing with these chavs really.and they are f**king imbeciles.a certain gang who like to go by the name g-unit.you wlk past these so called tough guys as u pass the local new look where you see a big group of burberry imbreds ,and most likely you will get abuse thrown at you and maybe even a fist fight if there numbers are above 7 .otherwise they will show off for there mates and give you idle threats,ill try and get the slang right ,”you got beef wid the g-unit we’ll merk you off blood,yeah blood me and my brederins homeboys pussy holes”
or some shite,most of that crew are probably inbred or severely brain damaged!
The girls are slags mostly easy underage whores or teenage mothers that hung around a bus stop wich has since been demolished called “THE SLUT HUTT” just dont go there, want to shag a trowbridge girl,take my advise and have a wank it will be probably a more enjoyable experience and will save you a visit to the g.u.m clinic for stds,theyve got shit you havnt even heard of ,and if your only defense is a condom ,you dont stand a f**king chance!
another matter is desperate older chavs who cant get a girlfriend probablyas they live in a shit hole and live of ten pound a week,going for younger girls,a 18 year old went on my girl friends msn pretending to be her then when i caught him out he said he would steal her from me and if she disagreed his homeboys would beat her black and blue.my girlfriend is 14
so is trowbridge a town of scumbag gypsy wannabe pricks?well in a word yes!

f**k me, where do I start? I trundled down the M4 from London to get some work – which was easy as it appears most people my age are sitting on their chav butts milking it off the DSS. The centre of town is positively heaving with 14 yr old chav girls ( all ugly as f**k ) with their screaming little brats doing f**k all but shouting at each other and nicking DVD’S to play on their nicked DVD players. The architecture in Swindon sums up the Chavs – cheap, tacky, transitional and most of all, f**king disgusting.

I only live about 100 metres from the centre of Swindon and try as much as possible to avoid the centre of town because every time I go there some greasy chav in a nylon track suit asked me for 69p for the bus. Why the f**k 69p? Obviously all they think of is bringing more ‘orrible chavs into the world so that they can milk more money off the Government. Even on a rainy monday morning the place is infested with the greasy little bastards milling around the pound shop yelling at each other, have they got anything better to do? The name Swindon originates from Swine Down – which basically says it all. They say this place has one of the lowest crime rates in England I think thats because the chavs here are too f**king stupid to get off there tattoed butts to going and earn a living, even if it involves crime. The best chavometer you can get is to count the amount of young girls in town pushing prams around on any given day – on that count Swindon is up there with Bristol, Margate, Bournemouth, Weymouth et al. I used to have positive thoughts in my head now all I can think about is inviting Osama down to Swinedown to test run some of his firecrackers. If I sound negative it’s because I am stuck in this godforsaken shithole because of my bloody job – It is difficult being a Social Worker at the best of times!

This town, in all rights, should be in the top 10. For it is a town that is pure Chav, and what makes things worse is that it doesn’t realise it is Chav.

The name Swindon literally means “Pig Hill” (from the Anglo-Saxon (Swine Dun). Ironical really.

This is a town that was shat straight from the arse of St Chav himself, and left to harden as a dirty blot in the Wiltshire countryside.

I shall give a brief “Visitors guide” to the town – why this town deserves the title “World’s Chaviest Town”.

On leaving the M4 at J15, take the main road into Swindon – visitors will notice a pub on the left called “The Spotted Cow”. This is where a Chav man will take his scrape-back mother-to-be for “posh-nosh” (as opposed to one of the many, many fastfood joints dotted all over the town)

This is where a young Swindon Chav enjoys to unwind, play a few games of pool, watch the football and enjoy a massive plate of Steak and Chips for £4.99 washed down with a pint of luke-warm lager at £1.39 – “out av ‘tahn’ ” (out of the town centre)

Visitors should also notice the vast array of Chavved-up cars in the car-park, definitely worth a look. And the masses bimbling under hoods – admiring turbo-charged 1.4 litre engines.

Just before the Pub is the newly built “Great Western Hospital” (eveything is named after the Great Western Railway here – the only piece of Historical relevance the town has to offer – other that Dithbin the Brave, deputy protector of Wessex, took a dump here in 562AD).

This is where young 14 year old Chavettes hope they will get fertility treatment (as recently reported in the papers), seeing as they have been having sex for a couple of years now, and are still not pregnant. Either that or they are in the Clap-clinic as Wesley gave them a dose after a quickie in the back of his purple-coloured Nova.

Anyway – Proceed into the town centre (over the famous “Magic Roundabout” traffic system) and marvel at the beautiful Concrete landscape – interlaced with some teflon sheets an blue pillars here and there to “add character”.

Swindon town centre is Chav shopping paradise. Numerous sportswear shops, a barrage of cheap jewellery shops – Argos, of course – numerous “One pound” shops, TK Maxx – you name it – its there.

There is no point me telling you were all the Chavs hang out. They are everywhere. Bumbling about in their little crews, and doing what we know and love.

However there is one interesting ethnic varient of the common chav formula.

The Swindon Perm. Oh yes…….. welcome to the town of bad female hairstyles.

All that those naff hair products advertised on day-time TV in the past 10 years are bought, and still used here today. Perms, crimping, peroxiding, “highlights” (which are of poor quality, and look more like the Chavette gained from throwing up in a toilet from drinking too much “MD 20/20″, and forgetting to flush away the bleach first) – all can be observed and enjoyed here.

The Swindon Chav also dresses slightly different from his comtemporaries. This is because Swindon has in it an icon – no infact a jewel of comtemporary Chav culture – born like a phoenix from the decaying embers of its once proud Railway “heritage”.

The Great Western Designer Outlet Village – “EUROPE’S LARGEST COVERED DESIGNER OUTLET VILLAGE!”

The word “designer” is to be used carefully here. Oh yes you will find a number of “Designers” here – but it is all their stock that didnt sell last year – or is the kind of “seconds” normally found in TK Maxx.

Chavs come from all over the South-West to spend a day out here; buying Levis, cheap Nikes, Ben Sherman shirts, Baseball caps and oh yes A BURBERRY SHOP!!!!

Theres even a couple of cheap suit places, so the young Chav can purchase his suit when he has to go to court to have his driving license suspended.

This is a clothing manufacturers dream. Normally they would have to chuck out all of there “seconds” and crap that no-one in there right mind would want to buy – now finally they have a place to sell them – and the Chavs of Swindon lap it up.

After you’ve got your threads – its a night on the town!! But oh no we have a problem!!! Swindon has gone “upmarket” at night, and wont let you in to their establishments with you white track-suit bottoms (I remember we called them Shell-suits on the 80′s, ah well)

But hey! You’ve got your 12 Quid designer shirt (although one side of the collar is higher than the other), and your cheap slacks with Burberry turn-ups and your bargain pair of Clarks shoes – lets go!!

All the chain pubs are here – plus theres a road that by-passes the area where you can Rev that engine, and impress the girls who are milling around the area.

If you fancy a spot of clubbing there is the one, the only “Destiny and desire” (or Desperate and Divorced, as it is effectionately known by the locals ).

Here you can dance your little heart out to the latest RnB tracks – or on another floor , some cheesy-chart dance music. Again, if you are wearing your £100 pair of trainers you will be rejected. But wear your £15 Clarks (from the designer outlet village) – an woohoo! You’re in!

If you don’t facny that theres Mission – in the “Old Town” (the more “upmarket” part of town – yeah right) – has the same bad DJ’s playing chart music interlaced with an odd Bon Jovi song or a Club-classic.

Again theres a car park right next to it, more possiblities to observe Chav motors, and watch pissed Chavettes stumble across it screaching lyrics from the latest gansta (sic) rapper.

Or there’s Soda – a club that tries to model itself on a “modern bar/club” – but just ends up being Chavvie anyway.

I would definitely recommend a visit, as the Chav element can be enjoyed by car and on foot.

errrrrr a shyte hole infested with scavenging chavs often located at Burger King or McDonalds, some seem to find it extremely funny to go to the skatepark in which they will be kicked out for abuse. Seemingly they really do not like me or any of my mates because we are proud greebos, this of course pisses them off so much as we walk past them listening to something not quite to their standards (well what decent stuff is?!?) which is when we get the abuse rolling!! extremely funny to watch them there in the middle of the street looking like complete twats. They also have an obsession with our jeans which are to big so when its raining they become absoloutly soaked, this seems to be their amusment for the day as they follow us around and we get them drenched by jumping into puddles!!

Chav language/ speech is increasingly annoying, who ever came up with those words needs a good kicking. When did jewellery ever become ‘bling’?? when did people become ‘homies’?? and when did a house become a ‘crib’?? surely a crib is something a baby sleeps in!!! i understand clearly that they were unable to go to school due to being pregnant nearly every 9 months but they could atleast learn the basics.
Continue reading “Salisbury” »