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Archive for the ‘Derbyshire’ Category

Buxton, Derbyshire

Posted on: August 12th, 2011 by admin 2 Comments

Buxton might be a touristy town famed for its spa water….But it is also boring,cold,rain lashed for most of the year..The sun rarely comes out.The council provide next to no leisure facilities..A refurbishment of the 1970s swimming pool has taken over 18 months to do..Guess what? It looks exactly the same as it did before! The Historic Crescent has been empty and derelict for over 15 yrs..To say things move slowly here is an understatement….The locals are narrow minded,and in the main seem not very intelligent :stare at anything,or anybody who is in any way slightly different…(DO NOT come here if you are black,gay,etc etc !),and seemed to like getting drunk and smashing windows on the market place on a saturday night.Although it purports itself as a cultural area,a lot of the work is provided by the quarries stone quarrying in the area,and associated jobs such as haulage.The town centre is like many others dying on its feet,and full of charity shops..It has a tiny indoor shopping precinct..And thats your lot really! I would say DONT BOTHER IF YOU ARE THINKING OF MOVING HERE!

By: anonymous

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Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast)
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Ilkeston aka Ilson (The Shit Heap of Derbyshire)

Posted on: July 25th, 2011 by admin 9 Comments

SMACK crack DOSS BOOZE racist HOMOPHOBIC HELL ignorant INSANE CHAVS scum SHIT HOLE

GEOGRAPHY INTRO

Geographically Ilkeston is situated almost right SMACK bang in the middle of Nottingham and Derbyshire with buses and cars being the only means of transport in and out of this god forsaken hell hole. If I was a god looking down on Ilkeston I would think of it as a horrible infected nipple oozing with all manner of toxins.

GOVERNEMENT PROJECT

I personally think that the whole place has been purposely shut off so that government scientists and other big brother officials can explore and experiment on this project. Yes you heard me correct the place seems infested with zombie like teenagers who seem entranced either by drugs or the television. The Jeremy Kyle show seems to be even recruiting and encouraging most of Ilkestons population onto its program.

DEVOLUTION

Teenagers and even the adults seem shameless and I would even go as far as to call most of them a devolved sub human species. The main reasons for this is that Ilkeston is an ex mining drinking community with so many pubs within such a short proximity to one another. The depleation of brain cells with the inhabitants of Ilkeston is too apparent & obvious. The Epicenter of Ilkeston used to be the Market Square a dingy tacky place. The market that comes every Thursday & Saturday seems to sell all manner of useless cheap and tacky throw away goods.

TESCO

Now the new epicentre of Ilkeston is Tescos Land a huge ice cube like structure situated at the very bottom of the Shit Heap. The thing that interests me in the Tesco’s is that people will often stand in the isles as if they were all meeting up on a street talking and gossiping without any concern for others wanting to get past or to buy an item. Again the supermarkets main seller would be alcohol.

GOOD SPOTS

Ilkeston isn’t all a slum though and in some pockets of it reside the usually old set in their ways, oap’s, without a care about the community they leave behind. Ilkeston also has its very own masonic lodge/hall situated discreetly next to the museum of which tends to offer very little information apart from dwelling on the mundain history of the area. Victoria Park is a beautiful part of Ilkeston but tends to remain un used and neglected. The odd teenager will be seen rolling up a joint near the band stand and at times they can be heard sniggering in bushes up to all manner of things.

MADNESS

After living in Ilkeston for a good 15 years trapped and socially isolated because of being surrounded by peasantry and the wrongly educated I have learn’t much of this vile gloomy place. The whole area would cause many to suffer depression possibly even bipolar due to how the place is so disorganized. Most of the residents if asked to smile would most probably crack in half due to the amount of pressure and effort it would take.

INHABITANTS

Situated in Ilkeston the people all seem to get away to the local seaside resort known as Costa Dell Skegness or Ingoldmells to paddle in the dark toxic coloured sea and now even as displayed a load of wind turbines. Lager louts and men with bright red heads walk around all acting like vikings and wishing they still had it in them to attract one of the local ladettes who even when they all dolled up still hide behind a mask of grotesque deformed monster. In fact most of the women rule Ilkeston so come to Ilkeston if you wish to be sexually assulted by women who afterwards would possibly blame you for assaulting them. 

AREAS 51 PLUS

There are two other areas that surround Ilkeston that are actually the same place in my opinion but each resident of each place would argue with that as they still are very terroritoral in Ilkeston. Its very yorkshire and clicky and anyone who seems to appear decent and well kept would be thrown out like in the slaughted lamb pub in film American Werewolf in London. Areas such as Kirk Hallam are full of inbreds and many of the local mentally disabled all seem to live in that area. Kirk Hallam even has its own made up mafia that try their best to go around causing mayhem but their bark is much worse than their bite unless they let their dogs off their leads to attack the local wildlife ( Yes I even witness a dog rip a duckling to shreads only to amuse the gang )

Cotmanhey aka Grotmanhey is the worst ever part of Ilkeston and one could get high even walking through the area. Don’t even think about attending one of the clubs in the area without being harrassed or given daggers by the locals. Do not walk around the area at night bad things can happen, vampires and all other creatures walk the streets or drunken retards whats the difference. Kids would even possibly call you a peado for even looking their way and you would end up with some parent hunting you down with BB gun.

Work & Prospects

The Job Centre in Ilkeston seems to be activily encouraging unemployment with lack of support and resources given to those who show any interest in looking for employment. The only jobs availble in ilkeston would be dead end mundane things such as shelf packing and other low paid soul destroying retail jobs or factory work. Some areas of Ilkeston are more for those who live beyond their means and commute in which they have to travel to their jobs and never even spend much time in the homes they paying thousands on.

CONCLUSION

To Conclude things, if the Erewash council would stop being so corrupt and putting money into things that don’t seem to benefit the area things might change. If they built more community centres and support groups then all of the crack addicts and dole dossers mights be able to get somewhere and better themselves. More industry needs to be developed in the area instead of lots of buildings for commuters. Lastly a Railway station needs to be developed also so that people can put their suitcases in to get away and escape.

By: Ilkeston Watcher

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Rating: 7.5/10 (21 votes cast)
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Chesterfield

Posted on: November 6th, 2010 by NIck Hutch 18 Comments

Chesterfield… what a state… this a shitty little town where there are more caravans than people, where you can’t move for the gypsy scum bags and chavvy inbreds. Its not really surprising when you consider that whole families cram into these tiny metal sheds in the town centre, shagging each other from dawn to dusk just to avoid having to do a scrap of work… if the they can keep their hands off the numerous farm animals wandering through the local shops and pubs, where there are lines for their services. If any of the little shits does manage to drag themselves into school then there are always the local paedophiles to keep them entertained. Hopefully, the skid mark that is Chesterfield is removed from the face of the earth.

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Rating: 5.5/10 (4 votes cast)
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New Mills

Posted on: October 29th, 2010 by billyb4223 21 Comments

Let’s take a trip to New Mills. Or shouuld that be a trip through New Mills. This place isn’t really too good at all. In fact, it’s a dump. In Ali G style, the council’s divided New Mills into tow sub-regions, East and West. Here’s a piece of useful advice, if you’ve got a terminal illness- why bother spending lots of your childrens’ valuable inheritance money going to a suicide clinic in Switzerland, when all you need to do is dress like a ‘poof’ (that means someone with a little more money than everyone else) and take a stroll down the streets, hoping to encounter some of the notorious Gregory brothers, or some blind drunk plumber who seems to take a disliking to you.

If you hadn’t already gathered, New Mills is a northern town. Set in stone-literally- since the 1200′s, New Mills, as the name suggests was a cotton spinning town with quick links to Manchester on othe 2 railway lines that serve the town. there’s also a bus station, (in fact more of a bus roundabout with some random benches thrown around), a staggering 13 public houses for a population of 10,000, and two supermarket for poor people, SPAR and the CO-OP.There’s loads to do in New Mills if you’re a rabid child from the council esate who enjoys playing in one of the two shit-diluted rivers or hanging outside the sweet factory for cast offs (yes, a town like this makes sweets).

So let’s get into what’s bad about New Mills. Everythin….wait, that’s not quite true. New Mills is a great place to live if you’re a chav. I kid you not. Let’s see what a typical ‘New Mills Lad’ as they like to call themselves likes to get up. first, dress up in your best white airmax shellsuit- quite fashionable here- your NYC baseball cap, and don’t forget that signiature touch, chewing gum. Now you’re good to go. The dole office doesn’t open till nine, so you’d better just sit at home watching Good Morning on your 54 inch mega screen TV that dominates your squalid council house living room wall. Oh, now the bus’s come, the 389 that’ll stop anywhere on it’s route, no bus stops needed. So you’ll go and collect you money at 09:01. Now you’ve got time to kill, haven’t you? How about going shopping for some new clothes in one of the four charity shops? Or maybe buy some chips for breakfast? Yeah, that’s a good idea, and it’ll make your acne scarred skin even worse- great!

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Rating: 6.2/10 (5 votes cast)
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Carr Vale (Bolsover)

Posted on: June 19th, 2010 by luke108460 19 Comments

Carr vale is a small village in the bourgh or Bolsover. This is one of 2 main places where chavs come from in Bolsover, the other being the ‘whimps’. It is said by many residents that the house are sliding down the hill, this is backed up by the fact that many residents are unable to get house insurance because of this, and the fact that they have no money. At the bottom of carr vale is ‘new bolsover’ or the model village, this is were the 10 year old chavs spend there days, saying such quotes as ‘fackin cam on den!’ when there 10 miles away from you. They tend to walk around with there tracky bottoms around there ankles and with there hands down the front of there trousers.

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