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Archive for the ‘Northamptonshire’ Category

Oh, Cobblers! (Northampton)

Posted on: February 22nd, 2009 by admin 3 Comments

Aaah, Northampton Town – the United Kingdom’s third largest town, home to the ever delightful Cobblers football club and beautiful architecture dating back to the 17th Century. Problem is, it is also home to a growing number of chavs, who are spreading like a viral plague not too dissimilar from a mass zombie outbreak.

Unfortunately, unlike most stereotypes in modern society, the chav stereotype rings true for almost 99% of cases. You only have to wander up to the Wootton Fields’ Co-Operative to be encompassed by these less than well-educated humanoids. Often, they are blasting dance music from their beat-up old Renault 5s, smoking, drinking and attempting to scope out their prey. By prey, I mean some poor soul who will be the butt of one of their cruel jokes, (or worse, receive a few kicks and punches to the facial area) or buy them cigarettes and booze.

In all honesty, having lived in Northampton for eleven years of my life, I can’t recall having many problems in the town centre during the day. In fact, I don’t often see many of them up there – it’s on a Friday night that you’ve got to worry.

Take a stroll down Bridge Street on a weekend evening and you are asking for trouble. More often than not, the street is littered with these complete wastes of oxygen – the younger are standing outside the bars after being refused entry, drinking bottles of Stella Artois which they managed to purchase in some scabby off-license with their dole money.

On the other hand, Abington Square is normally your safest bet – the area is dominated by ‘normal’ people and ‘alternatives’ – those who enjoy a good drink and a natter and aren’t looking for any trouble. Newly refurbished the Monkey’s Head, the Racehorse, and the Pennywhistle are all favourites, and from my visitations, always chav free.

In all fairness to chavs, not ALL of them are as bad as the others – I have a substantial amount of friends who would probably be considered chavs, yet they are pretty OK to get along with and don’t start any trouble. Unfortunately, one thing no chav manages to escape is the overall dodgy-ness of being one!

All in all, I don’t think Northampton is that infested – yet. One day, we may become overrun due to generations of sub-human breeding, but hopefully, that day is far off.

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Burton Latimer (Chav Central Of Kettering)

Posted on: January 29th, 2009 by admin 21 Comments
Everyone knows what a chav is, supposedly?
The big gangs of kids and teenagers, who hang around together outside Mcdonalds and ironically the police station, to look cool and make out they don’t care what others think.
This point would be proven if they didn’t go around smacking every other person who looked at them funny.

Burton Latimer
I find is basically chav central, for any teenager hoping to fit in with the chav crowd. Walking through burton latimer, chavs ride past on their bikes and shout ridiculously uninsulting insults such as
‘Ugly slag’
‘Fuckinnn emo go slit your wrists’
‘Your dads a twat, your mums a whore, and your sisters a slag’
Any of the above, despite the fact you might not have any siblings at all.

Walking through the town centre of Burton Latimer is the worst, especially at night.
The chavs are in a massive group standing outside ‘Spar’
The coolest place ever it seems to them.

Some are wearing trackies, tucked into ugg boots and the famous white nike jackets.
While others are in tight black skinny jeans, fluffy hooded parker coats and black boots.
Or the worst, dressed up in tiny skirts and tops and their underwear hanging out for every passerby to gawp at, and either feel sick or feel invited. How could you possibly get through the winter wearing that many clothes I wonder?

Each girl is plastered with an orange foundation, which seems is always three shades darker than their skin colour, and their visible white necks stand out from a mile off. Then dark rouged cheeks and eyebrows plucked so thin, they look drawn on. With mascara clumped onto the eyelashes and eyeliner inched long below their eyes, topped off with the traditional ‘plumping lipgloss’. Or the sticky cheap tacky shit from boots. Chav girls from burton look like clowns to me, and do they really wonder why people laugh at them?

The boys are sitting in their crappy fiestas, trying to show off their new body kits, and hiding the scratches on their cars. With blacked out windows, and multi-coloured head lights to look ‘bareee cool’.
And their pumping bass speakers vibrating the car, sitting on the front seat in a pair of nike trackies, nike air max (perfectly white), black or white sports socks pulled over the bottom of the trackies, and a matching nike jacket, and perhaps a ‘bling’ eyebrow piercing, topped off with a nike cap, or spiked up hair.

Fights in burton
Happen almost every hour.
The reasons for fights are almost hard to believe:

- Chavs being drunk and walking past you, and supposedly hearing something that you have said, even though you made sure you stood completely still with your lips tightly shut and held your breath, hoping they wouldn’t turn around and smack you in the face.
- You actually sticking up for yourself.
- Shouting out proper insults that make sense, rather than the lame ‘your mums a slag’ ones.
- Dressing differently, and being in a large gang of friends that all dress like you.
- Talking to a chavs bestfriends boyfriend.
- Or the most often used question by a chav ‘ what the f**k are you looking at?’ And the victim replying in such a nervous way ‘nothing’ but still knowing they are going to get it.

Burton Girls
Are the worst EVER!
Once they start a fight or an arguement they won’t finish it till you can’t get up.
And fighting back is certainly not a good idea, just pretending that it hurts more than it does and letting them lay shit into you.
Gets you out of the situation quicker.
You maybe surprised at the amount of fights in Burton, but adults will not get involved if they are present at a fight they will just let it happen, or walk past and pretend they haven’t noticed.
Wankers!

Basically Burton is a shit hole.
And if anyone is going to say that any other estate in Kettering is worse you should really take a walk around Burton before hand.
Unless you’re going to say Corby…
But thats a completely different story altogether don’t you think….

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Kettering, the new home for feckin chavs dammit……..

Posted on: October 8th, 2008 by admin 4 Comments
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Northampton: come one, come all and suck us dry

Posted on: May 4th, 2008 by admin No Comments

Northampton is a shining example of rapid post war expansion gone wrong. I’m certain the planners of the day were doing their best but it seems like the ‘ton was a Friday afternoon rush job. after spraying the town centre with concrete they then saw fit to build a shanty town encircling the main arena. This explosion of rat run housing in the 1960′s and 70′s attracted scum from near and far which in turn led to the invasion of the town centre. I still remember the “riot” in the Grosvenor Centre (Shopping centre) in 1989 which really only involved 50 or so ‘townies’ as they were then called, running though the crowd punchng people and stealing bags. Some places have cheese rolling and burning barrels of straw, we have strip-mugging.

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Corby the place to be for chavs

Posted on: March 10th, 2008 by admin 6 Comments
My town is full of chavs.They just sit outside the shops and bed you to give them money for frosty jacks outherwise they will take your phone.They sit at parks and take over the swings and roundabouts.Just leave there empty vodka bottles on the floor smashed for someone to hurt them selfs.They smash your car windows and slahs your tyres for the fun of it.Write all over the walls.If you were at corby at about 7:30 in the morning up town wich i am for school.Then you’d mostly see young parents with pushchairs and a fag hanging out of their mouth.And they beg you for some money for the fags and vodka they want.There rude and nasty,if you walked past they’d shout you looking at me want ‘your face panned in?”…Its bloody stupid the way Corby is turning it used to be such a nice town.It has been wrecked.They sit on peoples walls drinking and shouting,throw eggs and windows and give abuse.They take everything that isnt theirs and if you stop them,they will stab you or pull a gun out.They think there gansters and rule the world.

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