f**k Nottingham it’s shit.

Come on people, is anyone seriously gonna defend Notts? I’ve lived there all my life and I don’t think I’ve ever been into town, day or night, without seeing someone being attacked or harassed, or some dregs of society having it out in the street. At night, I have to look over my shoulder to make sure I’m not gonna get jumped by:

1) Drunks looking to feel better about themselves
2) Gangs who want the meagre few quid in my pocket and my busted, shitty phone
3) Crazy people who just like attacking strangers

just because I choose to dress like a punk. The police are f**king useless, voted the worst in the country at least once. Everyone just goes barmy at the weekend cos they know the coppers will do nothing about it. I’ve been attacked on 3 separate occasions, once in broad daylight, most likely for the way I CHOOSE to dress which in any city is BULLSHIT.

Even then, Notts is so full of fuckin lunatics that even in the middle of the day, without the presence of any booze or drugs or punk clothes you have a good chance of getting into trouble. My girlfriend got followed through town on a Wednesday morning by some f**king smackhead with a dog. He claimed she owed him £80, then called her a ‘f**king bitch’ and said she was going to ‘get it’. I mean WHAT THE f**k. Any city where this shit happens on a weekday morning is a dive.

The worst thing is that Notts has the capacity to be awesome. There are loads of great people there and so much creativity and uniqueness. The street performers are some of the best in the country. We have a huge music scene for all kinds of music, the biggest genres serviced being dubstep and ska at the moment I think. We’ve got the world famous Broadway Cinema, where the UK premier of Pulp Fiction was held. There’s loads to do (if you got the money) and lots of history shit to see. We’ve got Rock City, voted the UK’s best live alternative venue for years running. We’ve got loads of unique pubs, bars and cafes each with their own vibe. People from NYC have told me it feels very much like their home, albeit more depressing and on edge.

And there it is. Violent, prejudiced, stupid, ignorant, useless people f**k it up for everyone. Basically, if you can’t fight or you don’t feel comfortable carrying a knife or a gun don’t come. chances are it’ll all go wrong. You have to try hard not to get into a fight or get into trouble, the police will ALWAYS bother the people who are just trying to have a good night and IGNORE the people who are out to cause others harm and you are guaranteed to see at least one guy who thinks he’s f**king Bruce Lee on steroids trying to attack people.

It’s s shithole, but not because of the city. Because of the people. A few arseholes and kids who think it’s cool to stab people and mug people ruin our great city for the rest of us folk who just want to be ourselves and get the f**k on with life. It won’t change, because regular people won’t do anything about it (and they shouldn’t f**king have to) and the government are so distant and awful they will never solve it. So we have to live in it. and it’s shit.

oh, and anyone commenting on here saying something to the effect of:

oi mn nottz iz fukin well gd u wankr i luv it hear itz lodz ov fun! if u dnt lik it then fuk off! i bet ure a fat rich pussyole hu livz in sum posh howse n shit, wht da fuk do u noe bout my city man!? itz well gud in twn at da weekendz yeh ok so we gt into fitez and mayb likeee hurt sum peeple but so wot they shud be harder init! so fuk off and die or mayb eat all our shit coz u suk ok.

Then you’re part of the problem I’m afraid. And those who’ll say ‘well, the way you dress invites trouble mate. maybe you should wear what everyone else does’ I SHOULDN’T f**king HAVE TO. I don’t care how anyone else dresses, why the hell should they care how I dress?

So how did this chav town make the list?  is it the fine architecture of the abandoned buildings? the violent inbred “your not welcome in our town, stranger” attitude, or simply the diverse self styled attire of the local residents which includes such ensembles as a baseball cap and “trackies” accompanied by a shellsuit jacket.

ok well lets start with towns whereabouts, shirebrook  (also known in surrounding areas as “shitbrook”) is an old mining town in the middle of nowhere and as such relies on its own infrastructure, as traveling outside shirebrook (unless visiting prison via the panda car taxi) is too expensive as it drains the local benefits which are mostly spent on weed or smack. to travel around in shirebrook the local youth usually travel around in gangs, it is thought gangs are better to hang around in, this way if one of the gang wishes to fight or commit arson/vandalism (which they usually do) they can feel safe in the knowledge that fifteen versus one is a safe number. some of the older gangs (twelve and over) have saved up enough dole money to piece together a sort of mountain bike bmx mixture which they use to travel around shirbrook more efficiently in circles around town centre at night looking for trouble becous they dont have a tv or anything else to do. the local greetings of  “wot u lookin at?” or ” init mate” or “orate cock” are standard due to the poor education in the town and the lack of understanding of full sentences, partly due to the inbred nature of the town and partly due to the fact that nobody went to school.

shirebrook used to have a big pub culture, with more pubs than public services, however the towns dole money and constant vandalism and obviously pub hygiene breaches forced most of the pubs to close, however alchohol fueled violence is still prominent as bargain booze is the most used shop in the town hence most of the lads are pissed on cheap cider, and the local chavets on lambrini. bargain booze can be found across from the job centre or signing on centre as its locally known.

vehicles that pass through this town lock their doors and tie down the external car parts in fear of them being stolen. the locally owned vehicles are usually untaxed, uninsured old knackerd mopeds which the richest shirebrookians use for quick getaways. the local childrens park was predominantly used for jacking up or throwing used condoms or empty beer cans on, and next door a large pub called the swan closed down leaving a vast empty derelict boarded up grafiti eyesore at the entrance to the town (which is still there) tesco was going to get rid of this eyesore and build a store there, but after reviewing the town, tesco discovered the town was far too terrible.

Worksop, it’s a real charmer of a Chav Town.  The youth of this town of this place almost make one contemplate suicide as a means of avoiding contact with this East Midlands variety of low-life.  Car theft, shop-lifting, endemic violence, fear of working for a living are the attributes of this god forsaken place.  How on earth I managed to end up here I’m still trying to fathom.  The chavs here will eventually into walrus shaped creatures sitting on mobility scooters queing for their state benefit handouts, smoking, consuming as much lard as their bodies can stand and generally being a pointless grease spot on the face of mankind.  Oh come ye bombs and rain down on Woeksop.

Warsop is a place where people have
only just learnt to stand up straight, we refer to these as
Warsopians. Ex pit workers, single parent families or just dossers,
you know where to find them.

The pubs make a roaring trade in
the daytime, and they would not dare shut down the post office for
fear of all the Warsopians claiming their Living Allowance, burning
the place to cinders, these simple-minded invertabrae have not yet
developed a way of expressing their frustration, so they can only
express it through violence or vandalism.

Ex-miners tend to
live in the pub on their pensions, whilst the other old Warsopians
stay in their houses in fear of even going to Somerfield, the only
supermarket in this godforsaken hole.

The very few enlightened
Warsopians will leave the shithole as soon as it dawns on them that
there is absolutely no chance of enlightenment for the majority of
Warsopians.

The centre of local culture are the Talbot and the
Hare and Hounds, where fishwives gather to receive the daily gossip
and to grab a quick wrap of skag.

Most female Warsopians leave
Meden school unable to read with an aspiration to become knocked up
by any local skaghead whose dick has not yet fallen off, fortunately
for these disgusting uneducated foul mouthed and foul cunted sluts,
the average Warsopian male is usually either too drunk , stoned or
just plain stupid to care who his fishwife might shag.

These
young sluts are so rough, disgusting and unkempt when they lose their
cherry, it is referred to as loosing their Sardine.

Dumpies’
the local cornershop, is the local socialising point for the young
Warsopian chavs. The Male chavs tend opt for Diamond white as this
offers the best alcohol to money ratio for their meagre state
benefits which they have worked Scrounged hard all week for, although
many do not even manage to collect it for weeks because getting out
of bed before 5pm when the post office shuts is too much of an effort
for these hard scrounging parasites. Female Warsopians will try to
appear adult and sophisticated with their taste of wine by drinking
Lambrini cherry.

The local lingo consists of the salutations
flower, petal, love, duck, babe and chick as most Warsopians lack the
mental agility to remember names and faces due to past alcohol
abuse.

The only nice part of Warsop is the Carrs,
unfortunately due to the problems of delinquent juvenile Warsopians
who have not yet taken up the local job of scrounging, the Carrs is
the centre of youth activities which include attempting to drown in 2
foot of water, shooting swans with a pellet gun and getting drunk and
leaving all the empty cans and used needles.

Some forward
thinking female Warsopians are known to walk around with a mattress
and bells attached to their back just in case they happen to meet a
family member/inbred.

They are f**king inbreds!