From birth, the people of Hemel Hempstead are given no chance! Until recently the two local hospitals which supported childbirth where St.albans and Luton, which are hardly chav free zones, you enter any of these hospitals you will find chavs who have been battered and bruised (not always a bad thing) and chavettes who are in labour 9 months after there first period, seriously, the only people with more than 1 braincell in these places are the expectant mothers, and there other braincell is only tempary. But after the ordeal of birth and the newly made mother staring at her bundle of joy/jail bait and then flicking on hollyoaks you have the children starting primary school.

Oh woaw what a choice. Woodhall farm (the area i was raised) homes two primary schools. The largest one being holtsmere end. This place has more pikeys than a car boot sale and more lice than peter andre’s nutsack. But if that doesn’t quite sound to the standard of your sprog there is an alternative. Brockswood. My old school, where the residents of local caravan site attend, where they do not bother with teaching but just fiddle your sats results later. And after school you have the parents swarming outside all with there cigarettes and new borns, but you will only see these parents picking there little darlings up if the parents have actually finished school themselfs.

Then we move to the senior schools. again. what a choice, a choice of 6 schools all with very different qualitys. 3 of these schools are not that bad.

JFK- catholic school

Hemel Hempstead – All rounder, very adverage

Cavendish – Sports college

then we get onto the other 3

longdene – where the students are really as thick as Susan XXXXX’s pubic hair, they are however quite harmless, half of them dont speak much english and the other are still slower than a row boat team with no arms

Adeyfield – the boys of adeyfield are fine. there normal. the girls however…most of them have hopes that maybe 1 of these 40 yearold men they have been meeting up with online will want to keep them, and not just f**k them and then be thankful they never asked there name, these girls are highly trained slappers, most of them losing there virginity before there 13th birthday to a lad old enough to be there father. This trend carrys with them for life. This school recently offered all of its students a free chlamidyia test and the ammount of possitive results was staggering. This is also the closest school to leisure world, which i will expand on later

Astley Cooper – The arsehole of the education system. Try and drive past this school in the winter without being pelted with rocks coverered in snow, or even try and walk past without getting high on the fumes of the joint the 6 students are all sharing. this school is the training ground of drug dealers and battered girlfriends. They may not leave school with GCSE’s, but the boys will leave with an ASBO and a CSA bill and the girls will leave with a baby in there womb and there friends left in suspence of what colour it will come out. its not all bad though,  living in grovehill is a free ticket to never do a days work and get a free council house, and if you cant figure out what to spend you DLA on then the henry wells square is inspirational

Henry wells square – wow… what mother fucker thought this up, you have a very high ratio of unemployment, alcohol and drug use, benefit thieves and incredably young parents. How do you fix this problem? By putting a shopping centre in the middle of it! And what a centre! You have 2 pubs? A florest selling equipment to grow your own plants?? A liquer store??? And a car parts store so you can sup up your nova the way you have always wanted!!! WHAT THE f**k HEMEL??? THIS IS LIKE PUTTING A MCDONALDS IN A FAT CAMP!!! THESE PEOPLE DO NOT NEED MORE WAYS TO GET TANKED!!! THEY NEED A BASIC FOOD SHOP, A CHARITY SHOP AND POSSIBLY A NEWS AGENTS SO AS THEY CAN SEE IF THERE GRAFITTI ON A LOCAL SHOP MADE IT IN TO THE HEROLD EXPRESS!!! Grovehill is truly the worst design since neon strips you can stick under your car. Nuke it.

The town centre is a fantastic place! You name any cheap takaway we got it! Pizza hut, Dominos, Mcdonalds, KFC, Burger King, Subway, Greggs, its all there! We got the civic centre so you can claim all your benefits such as your DLA for your bad back, only 4 more payments till you can get that moped. The college, for those who fail school, the health centre with a great poster saying come here for free condoms and the morning after pill, you will be supplied with either even if you are under 16. You of course have all your sports shops, 3 pound shops and a ton of cheap clothes shops, including “2good2be true” with the famous shirts costing at only 50p and sandersons, a shop selling bongs, crack pipes, cheap munchfood, energy drinks, and anything a drug user could ever need, yet, police completly ignore this shop and the obvious intentions of the clientel.

Then we move onto leisure world, which i have never read a review on here which hasn’t mentioned. This place is the chav breeding ground, it has probley had more children concieved behind it than johnny vagas has had hot dinners. This place really is a shithole, it is in jarmans park which has 3 main buildings. Leisure world, Mcdonalds, Tescos. So poured into the mixture you have Tescos supplying cheap drink, Mcdonalds catering, and Leisure world giving the shit music, shelter and condom machines. So you can imagine what it is like in there. I have been there many times due to the cinema, and on waiting to be picked up it is not uncomman 2 see girls who look pre-pubesent dressed as what can only be described as 4 foot tall prostitutes getting into cars with much older men who drive behind the building for 10 minutes or so before dropping them back infront of the neon sign. If you go there and listen, see if you can go 30 seconds without hearing f**k, c**t and shit, spend a night there and watch how many fights break out, the bouncers are more useless than a condom machine in the vatican and are more interested hitting on the younger girls. This place is where all the slappers from adeyfield come 2 meet there dream man, sad thing is, none of them have noticed that not a single guy in a nova and a track suite who fucks them before learning there name ever calls back. Unfortunatly, live in hemel this is your life, the council are doing something about this though. They have just opened a new club called the function rooms and are closing the hospital. I guess there leaving natural selection 2 wipe of this plague we call the chav.