Of course, who could miss out the glorious town of Stone? Lined by its beautiful canals, fantastic views and pissheads on cheap cider, Stone has an array of wonderful places you can visit.

As a tourist, why not visit the local Crown and Anchor (more affectionately known as the C’n'A)?  Serving only the finest cheap lager (at very expensive prices) and providing the best brawls in the local area, the C’n'A has developed an almost cult following with pissheads throughout Staffordshire. So much so, that people from Stoke-on-Trent, Stafford and even Uttoxeter sometimes come to visit. The wonderful diversity adds to the excellent entertainment by providing only the finest bar brawls in Staffordshire. Entertainment provided free of charge Fridays and Saturdays from 10pm – 2am please refrain from laughing as they may smack you too.

Then we have the fine cuisine Stone has to offer. Why not visit Valleys?Eastern Delight? Schaffers? Stone has it all! Feel free to visit one of the many other fine Kebab houses  selling you three quids worth of filth  after you’ve had too many Snakebites.

Don’t forget to add the local suburban paradises to your tour of Stone. Walton (around ten minutes from Stone) is a wonderful area, littered with middle class ‘wannabe chavs’, who think they were raised in the ghetto and they run the town. Just another fifteen minutes from there, we have the wonderful areas of Aston Lodge, Lambert Park (commonly known as the Saxifradge Estate due to its entrance road) and Copeland Estate. Why not take a walk through Aston Lodge on a Friday night? Just try to ignore all the ‘mickey mouse’ drug dealers palming off poor quality weed and all the 14 year old girls dressed in mini-skirts waiting for their 26 year old boyfriend to come and pick them up. Alternatively, have a quick dash through the Copeland or Saxifrage Estate, Stone’s answer to Butlins. Pop down the park with a crate of Stella (only if you’re feeling rich. White Lightning will do) and have a chat with all the friendly local scrotes who got Bob the Builder to buy their beer for them.

After all that, if you still have time, check out the ‘Priory Estate’ around 5 minutes on from the Saxifrage Estate. If you’re a single unemployed mother with a loud angry kid and like gossiping with you’re equally inept single parent neighbour then this is the estate for you.

Stone! Paradise! Well ‘ard!

When i moved into penkridge over 15 years ago it was a great little place really friendly with loads of pubs full of occasionally slightly tipsy but wonderful people now its a meca for the chav scum of the area and their everywhere and ahh joy what a brilliant day it is i can hardly contain my excitement at the reopening of that chav hang out the boat after its closer some weeks back no doubt to be completely fumigated after its said chavs invasion a year or so ago had totally wrecked what was once a lovely little pub now all the lowlife chavs will return to canal side like the rodents they are, invading the wharf and plaguing its decent residents again who will have to endure the jingling of their cheap jewellery and even cheaper alcohol. The centre fairs little better with jobless chavs in their trainers and casual wear (shirt and tie is an insult to them far worse then any they dole out on a regular basis to anyone who walks past and god forbid does not resemble them) their jobless hoards now being bolstered by a new crop of thirty something born and bred in the village scum who manfully take up the ranks in the chav pubs that now litter penkridge, the only good thing about the chav pubs is that it gets all the chavs in one place at the same time and let me think, not long now to bonfire night, that gives me a wicked thought have a guess what it is???

Newcastle-under-Lyme, Staffordshire or Castle as is affectionately called is a chav spotters paradise.

Please make the effort to go there on the local town festival cum parade cum piss up cum all out brawl.

Watch in awe at the logistics as police barracade side streets…

Laugh in derision at local landlords screwing down the outdoor pub furniture…

Hark! the first smashed pane of glass of the day, and it’s only just 12!

This annual feature of the midlands sees local little kids parading through the town centre twirling batons and their parents cooing and aahing from behind reinforced steel barricades.

Warning: Please do be in before dark. The NHS is under enough pressure.

What a shithole.

Go into the town centre any weekday, after midday of course, and all the pubs and betting shops will be full of unemployable parasite chavs.

16stone fag-smoking mums screaming ‘shut the f**k up’ to the three kids she’s towing and the other one pushing the pram whilst she’s on the way to the dole office. ‘I’m entitled to my benefits!’ is a scream you’ll hear daily coming from the DHSS offices.

Chavs in their late teens are often seen around High School entrances around 3.30 weekdays, attempting to sell twigs and flour to 11 yr olds as ‘hard stuff’. Untouchable, they have their solicitors phone number stored in their pay-as-you-go mobile…they know their rights. Can’t name a three-digit number, but they know their rights.

Adult chavs can be seen Friday and Saturday evenings en masse at the towns drinking establishments. ‘Innit’ can be anything from ‘I want to shag your wife’ to ‘me and my mates are going to be sick on you after we’ve beaten you up’. Such a pleasant, intellectual species.

You can’t polish a turd.