When you come to Maesteg, your chav alarm will explode! Wherever you turn, there is always a chav there, either smoking, or riding a s**tty old bike. The majority of chavs, come from either Caerau (a sub-town of Maesteg) or Oakwood (a council estate based in Garth, another sub-town of Maesteg). You rarely see goth’s and emo’s in Maesteg, because of it’s high population of chavs.
Maesteg is located in Mid Glamorgan of South Wales, UK. This small town, based in the Llynfi Valley, is in between Port Talbot and Bridgend. The majority of this town are chavs and townies. Goths, emos and other non-chav groups are rarely seen in Maesteg. Most of the children start out as sweet ‘mommys little angels’, but as time develops, they become burberry wearing, foul mouthed, terrible chavs with a unique bad attitude. Society will always have a negative outlook on chavs, and they have every right to. Most chavs in Maesteg spend their time pissing off people that are different to them or hang out smoking in the bus shelter in the town. The majority of chavs in Maesteg, come from the more poorer areas of the town such as Caerau (a sub-town in Maesteg), and Oakwood (an estate based in Garth, another sub-town of Maesteg). Around the schools, all you see are chav fights. They usually have stupid nicknames that they call each other by. The chavs in Maesteg will do anything for ‘fags’ such as bricking the windows of elderly citizens or even "actin’ ‘ard in front of da teacher like, innit?". Maesteg is now a rough place because everytime the council did something to improve it, the chavs would wreck it. So if you ever come to Maesteg with a weapon, please, go chav hunting!

Well, what can i say? It seems the sun NEVER shines in Aberdare, it literally feels like the land time forgot. Everywhere you go you are surrounded by mountains, which gives you the feeling once you enter you will never leave.
When it comes to the people in this dreary old town, you would be extremely lucky to find an occupant who isnt a chav. Chav central (The hirwaun flats) were so extremely chavvy the council finally agreed to blow them down a couple of years back. These flats countained the biggest druggies and vermin you could ever put in the same building. Overdoses were the “in thing” in those flats, if you hadnt had one you were a nobody.
The most popular carrer choice in Aberdare is shoplifting. Items stolen range from washing up liquid in kwik save to poppers in the sex shop. If anybody does actually buy anything (which is a rarity) most of the chavs will shop in “What” situatted just outside Penywaun. Which is a good job too as penywaun contains the most idle, smelly, dole dodgers in south wales. Warning to anybody visiting Aberdare, please do not enter Penywaun as you will exit with rabese.
Local night clubs in Aberdare include “Judges”, “The Market Tavern” and the boot. For a night of watching 13 years olds girls getting their leg over standing up a wall then chucking up the litre of white lightning they just downed in their partners mouth Judges is the place to be. The dj looks and plays as if he is on smack and the lighting system is so dire you start to believe you are in an episode of the teletubbies.
DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE BOOT! As they havnt bothered to install a decent lighting system, it is so dark that with all the fighting going on around you, you actually beleive you are in a game of murder in the dark!! A guy whith a leather jacket and very strange hair will always offer you speed for the price of £15, even if you say no he will continue to approach you.
The market tavern offers you the pleasant entrance of squelching in pee as you walk in. If you dont pull in there you must either be extremly dumb or uglier than Quasimodo! Loose is an understatement.
So basically Aberdare, next to Iraq is the worst place in the world to be!!!!!!!!!!!

Porthcawl..
A Sunny Seaside resort located in the heart of South Wales…
Home to one of the biggest caravan parks in Europe, And a “nice, quiet lil’ town to retire in”..
Porthcawl, for many years, has been a “jewel” in the Welsh crown..
However, as we all know.. Nothing lasts forever..

A new darkness threatens this peacefull paradise…
Located at a strategic point between Cardiff, Swansea, Bridgend, Pyle, Port Talbot, Baglan and Newport, The invasion of Porthcawl by the dark hoardes of “Chav” has begun..

There are several “Chav” Stomping grounds in Porthcawl where normal life is being Defiled by this growing wart on the anus of humanity..

Coney Beach Fairground:-
Porthcawl supports an “upper class” of Chav who claim Benifits by day, but by night can earn there penny’s by manning the rides at this fair cunningly disguised as a “good place for a family day out”.
If you look closely however, You will see the tell
tale signs of “Chavness” hidden in the empty Cider Flagons and condom packets whitch decorate the seedy corners and beach head of this place, You will also see an abundence of teenage “Chavettes”
who work here, and if you feel daring enough to try and engage one in a civilised manner of conversation, You will soon learn that for 6 bottles of assorted alchopop and 10 Lambert, You could be unfortunate enough to own your very own “Pet Chav” for the rest of the evening.. or, in all likelyhood.. until she steals your wallet..

Porthcawl Fair is also a gathering ground for Chavs and Chavettes of all ages looking to find a chav of the opposite sex to “Multiply” with…
Truely.. a dangerous thought.. Darwin would turn
in his grave if he knew how this segment of mankind was devolving..
Bewere of this activity, as if you jump into the Chav Gene pool, You will break your nose as it is barely ankle deep…

Trecco Bay Holiday Resort :-
Trecco bay is laughingly called a holliday resort, but in truth is just an oversized caravan park
with an amusement arcade, and a couple of pubs in the middle, i think the deciding factor in calling it a “Resort” is its heavily over chlorinated pool, and the fact you can buy a pint of lager with a credit card…

Trecco Bay seems to attract Young Chavette mums from all areas of south wales..
Its a place where They can bring there “Chav-2-Be” Offspring to Educate them in the Chav arts of descending to the dregs of society..
Chavs of all ages come here from miles around to mingle with other chavs from other towns, Hence
increase there chavness and curse the world with more vile ways to be Chav.
Observation of this place will show the “Valley Chav” who typically has more fingers than braincells, Who thinks “Brainstorming” is a type of Cider, And if he ever wanted a Circumscision, all he’d have to do is get someone to kick his sister in the chin. The “Valley Chav” Typically shouts, Shrows empty bottles, Has his sisters name tatooed on his arm, and is generally considdered to be such a low life, that if he ever climed out of the gutter, it would be such an ascent, he would have a nosebleed..
The over chlorinated Swimming pool on site is a placed used as a “bathing spot” for many chavs..
This can be a dangerous place however, Many chavs are excelent swimmers as some still retain the slightly webbed fingers & toes they were born with.. obviously a close family attribute formed from chav familys being “Very Close” (if you know what i mean..)
The “Local Londis” on Site, And “Bargain Booze” just down the road keep this chav army fuel’d with
Cider, Meths, Screenwash and whatever else theese animals drink.. As everyone knows.. an army marches on its stomach..

John Street :-
This is a haunt for many young chavs and chavettes with an average age of 14, Walk down this road any dark night and you will see the gangs of chavs staring at each other, trying to “evil eye” the other gang into giving up control of the band stand there providing some shelter to these ferral, instinctive creatures.. occasionally, gangs will drift to the local “Spar” or “victoria wines” to spit at locals or ask them to buy Fags & Booze to fuel there dispicable, unmentionable nightime activitys..
Then Spit at them..
With an empty sommerfield car park near by and plenty alleys and backroads here, it truely is a place rife with infestation.
If you are ever mugged by a gang of 14 year old chavs with a collective IQ of 32…
Chances are you were near John Street.

Newton Green :-
Newton is porthcawls Quiet area, However, Many secrets lie in this deceptively tranquall place..
When you walk to the green past the ancient, green, chav monument whitch is cunninly disguised as a Pre-War bus shelter, first thing you will think as you feel the stinging in your eyes and the burning in your lungs is that Saddam Hussein has escaped and launched his Chemical Arsenal at the Western World, You will soon realise hovwever, it is the stench of Chav piss that sourounds this monument like an aura of evil.
If you venture further down this green, you will most likely hear the howls of dark chav mating rituals being performed in the nearby graveyard..
Also, in the dark, unlit play park nearby, you might see the shadows of chavs & chavettes dosed up on alchohol chasing each other trying to persuede each other to go for a frollic in the graveyard..
Nearby there is also an all boys school, and an all girls school, Providing fuel for the local chav infestation where im sure several contraventions of the “Geneva Convention against cruel and unusual punishment acts” are being performed..
Continue reading “Porthcawl” »

A once pretty market town, nestling over the river; a centre of social life for several valleys.
20 miles from the bustle of pretentious Cardiff to the east, whilst a similar distance to the west Bridgend was a less industrial alternative to Swansea. Twin-Towns “Pretty s**tty City”.

Time moves on and the Valley Villages, traditionally home to miners, steel workers and farmers; now offer no industry other than steroid dealing, car ringing and benefit swindling.

Bridgend has expanded massively in the last 20 years, it’s now very much a dormitory town, a suburb of Cardiff just a 20 minute motorway ride away.

Sadly the expanse of the town has seen the movement of the VC’s (Valley Commandos – local dialect for Chav) into the towns “Housing association” areas.

Wildmill, Sarn, Bettws and the “Beirut” end of Brackla are the larger of the Chav enclaves. Special attention must be given to Chelsea Avenue your first guaranteed home after Prison.

“Cash Converters” gives them a place to cash their Giros and porn their stolen booty. Iceland a place to do the weekly shopping for the babies with Victoria wines and the Spar near by to pick up a can of VAT the preferred cider.

No less than 12 phone shops give plenty of choice for snatch’n'grab shop lifting; whilst a good selection of charity shops will ensure plenty of their child allowance is still left over for fags after kitting out the baby with clothes.

The development of retail parks has left the town centre bereft of any social standing. “The second smallest woolies in the UK” and a Dixon’s smaller than one you’d find at an airport being the only two national names on the high street.

Having once read an article in the sun and seen the adverts on Sky (before it was turned off for not paying the bill). Claiming for accidents has become a growth area of attempted income for the VC community.
This fits in nicely with their social theology – “nuffins” ever their fault and everyone else should pay for them.
You can’t walk down the streets without hitting at least 6 clipboard carrying no-win-no-fee agents. Genuine claims revolve around falling over something, never noting the large amount of alcohol consumed that day as the cause of their lack of observation or co-ordination. Whilst most are entirely fictitious, bred form urban myths of payouts for nothing – always a “friend of a friend”.

Kebab shops on every corner ensure a good greasy diet for the evening on the way back from Monroe’s, and the closed down Ritz bingo hall car park provides an open space for novas, corsa, saxos and Ka’s to be displayed to the 17 year old chavettes.