Here’s Redditch’s biggest claim to fame: Rik Mayall once went to school here. Others include it being Jacqui Smith’s (former Home Secretary) former constituency, a breeding place for all Mormons east of Utah and the world’s former biggest producer of needles.

Just to give you an idea of how sad this place is, here’s a link to Wikipedia’s article of Redditch in popular culture. See how ridiculously small that article was? Scroll down a little, and look at “Places of Interest”. Notice that? There are six places of interest in Redditch! Three of which aren’t worth even worth writing about!

If we leave off the whole “Redditch is boring and unimportant” part of the argument for a minute, there’s still plenty more to complain about. Arrow Vale Community High School, one of the local schools, in a recent inspection, turns out to have the third lowest grade average in the country! And don’t get me started on the chavs!

Taking a walk through the estates’ centres is a pretty scary experience – especially Church Hill, Winyates, Woodrow and Matchborough. The chavs sat at the bus stops or in front of the Costcutter’s will stop at nothing to make your day worse.

The night life is lousy and the word culture doesn’t appear in the typical Redditchite’s vocabulary. There’s no library and a cinema was only recently put in, since the old closed down some ten years ago. The only semi-decent nightclub, Fuse, is still pretty rough and full of drunk chavs.

The overall feel of the town is grim. No one ever seems all that happy, and the schools are shite. If it isn’t chavs that you find on the estates, it’s old people and they can sometimes be scarier than the chavs.

In conclusion, Redditch is the mirror of many other new towns around the country: it’s grim, soulless, rough and smells of piss and old people. It’s no worse or no better than your average new town, but if you’ve ever lived in a new town, you’ll know that’s no compliment.

By: Jake

While the fine folk of Preston revel in there own verciferous bullshit of being slightly more freindly than the folk of Blackpool & Blackburn . And this is the reason why they feel they was given citizenship because there foward thinking ?

I personally feel that this place with it’s oversized carbuncle of a bus station a run down market & empty shop everywhere .

Together with it’s narrow minded residents who feel quite happy to call you whatever racist name that fits there narrow little minds .

And make a point of not sitting next to you on a bus if you sound or appear different to them , will indeed make you feel most un welcome .

While i believe most towns have various problems with the modern day living & social problems i can’t help but think this town . (City) Has to be amongst the most unwelcoming & must have some of the most arrogant of residents across Britain .

Oh & need i mention if you don’t care to much about your health .

Why not try one of the many fast food outlets that you will find in & about the city centre .

This place is absolutely full of Pizza ‘ Kebab & curry houses !

and if you indeed have the misfortune of being trapped here & wan’t an evening about the town then be warned .

If the local lads dont give you a good kickin’ then i am sure the local lasses will . If your of course that way inclined mind you !

By: AAndrew

That’s what happened to us: four teenagers on bikes unknowingly venturing into the lion’s den. Our legs were knackered; we desperately struggled up a large hill. To our side, on the pavement, the passersby seemed to become more and more miserable – their backs more hunched, their eyes more downcast, their brows more furrowed.

Reaching the top of the hill, we four people look to our left and see two other teenagers, perched on the top of a playground “playcastle,” smoking something that was quite probably illegal and muttering to each other, their white tracksuits blinding us in the light. It was then we realised we’d entered Heamoor. On a map, you’d almost expect a “here there be dragons” postit note stuck over the area.

Just before we’d arrived, we’d passed seven police cars all on shouts. Now we could see why. The atmosphere of the place was wrong. We now realised the error of our ways and turned around but, screeching past came a moped, the rider on which yelled out “WANKERS!!!!” He drove past a few more times before slipping away. We shot down the hill. Like hyenas, the teenagers in the playground guffawed, clutching their stomachs. Shame they didn’t fall off. Their pride (and, indeed, the gene pool)* could have done with a bit of “positive reinforcement.”

Ten minutes later, we arrived at our campsite (where, incidentally, they locked the gates at night. Possibly to stop cars coming in and disturbing everyone, more likely to fend off the hoards of raucous, drunken teenagers that roam the streets at night, emerging from their houses as soon as the sun set like chav-vampires). For the next few days, we had to walk through this place. Once, we found some police tape strung across a subway. Above us, a railing and bollard had tipped across the little gap between road and land. Presumably, a car had came off the road and smashed into the side. Or a moped.

Needless to say, I don’t view this place in the best of lights. Neither does the “police UK” website, which says that this little town had befallen a worrying amount of violent crime and ASB. So, all in all, I think the old joke about the atomic bomb hitting Cardiff and causing ten pounds worth of damage needs a revamp.

*Not to be taken seriously. Maybe.

By: Kieran

The centre of Edinburgh functions as a Scottish themed Disney land tourist trap serving up popular Scottish myths. With 5 B&Bs, 2 youth hostels and a hotel on every street this ready supply of bu11shit and marketing has become the main industry of the city. Major exports include tartan bonnets, green nessies, shortbread in a tin, depression in a jar and STDs.  Edinburgh is a city of extremes, while being surrounded with a ring of council estates the centre of Edinburgh is vibrantly multicultural and cosmopolitan with tourists and foreign hospitality staff who are here because they have a warrant for their arrest in their home EU countries. The tourist is easy to spot in Edinburgh as they are the only good looking people to be found in the city. The city centre is fractured and broken with no community but offers many opportunities to speak Polish, Lithuanian, Latvian, Estonian, Spanish, Russian, Romanian, Hungarian, Albanian or any language you can think of except English which is frowned upon. Edinburgh’s city dwellers remain isolated into their own racial, cultural, and linguistic groups staying only briefly to distract and waste everybody else’s time, until their money is spent, the boredom finally hits them or a hotelier somewhere offers them an extra 50p on top of their £4 an hour.

“Edinburgh used to be a proper laugh, but there’s too many pretentious w4nkers living there now, with their p00fy wine bars and who think that a couple of shandies, and some civilised conversation was “an absolutely wiiild night out daaarling”. Notice that they never venture into the locals pubs, coz they know they’d get a proper kicking.”

For the local resident life in Edinburgh is the closest you can get to being dead. The Edinbugger saps all life from you unlike Glasgow they will instead assault you with an infectious boredom. Edinbuggers or “Gods frozen people” are the most unfriendly in Scotland. As they say in Glasgow “You can have more fun at a Glasgow funeral than an Edinburgh wedding”. Until recently Edinburgh was the AIDS capital of Europe due mainly to two thirds of the indigenous population being p00fs, junkies, swingers or wh0res. Thirty brothels/saunas operate in the city offering some of the only gainful employment to the stupid locals. 11% of the brothel/sauna employees are infected with HIV (NHS study) and this will only set you back £50 if you would like to sample any of the latest mutations. The indigenous population believing themselves to be Scots are actually descended from the Germanic Angles and share many of the same qualities – boring, soulless and ugly as sin yet somehow maintaining the belief they are better than everyone else including the highland Scots and the English. Many an Edinbugger will use the word Sassenach to insult the English (a highland Scots word to describe lowland Scots) not realising they are insulting themselves.

Many Edinbuggers owing to their rampant racism for all things English and generally everything else want independence not realising they are part of the EU not realising the Scottish Parliament was intended for the UK by the EU a plan of divide and conquer and Alex Salmond having sold out to the EU in his own SNP manifesto a long time ago (can Edinbuggers read?). The EU fourth Reich will then be in a better position to take them for all they are worth as they have done with Greece, Portugal, Ireland etc.

Edinburgh “The Athens of the north”

Edinburgh “The Reykjavik of the south”

Every summer Edinburgh has a festival for amateur “comedians” and expressive interpretive ironic dance comedy cabaret for men in leotards (attracting a many and wide variety of p00fs to Edinburgh). Many local residents attending these “comedy” shows sober have as a result suffered extreme post traumatic stress disorder. The sound of the forced laughter of a room of Edinburgh University for the Mentally Challenged guardian reading students laughing at multi-ethnic politically correct satirical topical “comedy” from a Muslim saying he wanted to kill Jews amongst other things is still in my head.

Edinburgh has the most corrupt council in Britain; the council run sports centre facilities are more expensive than the 5 star facilities at the Sheraton Grand Hotel and Spa on Lothian road. The tram project costs are now approaching those of the Russian space program and have now been taken over by the Scottish government as if they weren’t in on the scam in the first place.

Some facts about Edinburgh:

Edinburgh hates you.

The local dialect is known as the Edinburgh Cuunt an indecipherable language to anyone from outside Edinburgh this is a result of inbreeding. The locals couldn’t speak English if they tried.

The belief of incomers that ‘there must be something in the water’ is true there is. The Galton Institute is working hard to alleviate the problem.

Edinburgh castle is now owned by Alex Salmond who intends to use it as his base for doing Scottish stuff in and as a lookout for attacking English.

By: purplepoo

This place started dying in 1980′s, after the Tories shut down the mines, and anyone not on the dole left. By this point the town looks like a cross between a level from Fallout and Little Britain. [I blame the heavy metals pollution in the water]. What we have here is mutants in bad shell suits and baseball caps. Most of them would have to go several evolutionary levels to be called chav’s elsewhere. Nuking the place would actually improve it.

Chief past times here amoung the younger yobs seem to be spray-paint huffing, drunken violence and hanging around smoking and looking scummy…among the older, slightly less devolved chav’s it’s going out getting pissed at one of the grotty clubs [or all 3 of them] and shagging in shop doorways… often with members of the opposite sex, but dogs will do in a pinch judging by the results 9 months later.  Slightly better off chav’s usually invade Wakefield for these pastimes, descending on the place like a track-suited bling-encrusted mongol horde every saturday night.

Granny chav’s are well suplied with bingo halls and slot machine arcades, hence the stupid nick name.

One of the odder points is that there don’t seem to be any working aged chav’s here… most of them having pissed off where there are some jobs and left their spawn with the grannies.  Castleford could be said to export chav’s to the rest of the country.. although infect would be a better word. Sorry about that…

Suffice it to say, if someone wanted to give Yorkshire an enema, this is where they’d stick the tube.

By: K

By: Dai

By: sarah

There are several areas where these creatures congregate:

Whitley – Generations of scum live here, even the elderly (who’s life expectancy is probably 30 years lower than the national average due to the amount of soveriegn fags they smoke and their oh so healthy lifestyle) are scummers, they spend their days looking after their nasty little grandchildren (and probably great-grandchildren) while their offspring are out robbin up the Butts centre and their nights at BJs Bingo spunking their state-pensions up the wall. Imagine the granny from Benindorm, mate her with a creature from Little Britain and you have the typical Whitley Grandma. The 2nd generation of chavs are the young parents, although most are single mums. Typical chavs, girls wearing clothes only the devil himself could have designed, which barely stretch over there fat and flabby bellies, gold hoop earings big enough for Free Willy to jump through and enough gold bling (typically branded with ‘mum’ or ‘sister’ incase they forget they have a family) to burn your eyes out. The males are usually found with jeans that are worn so low that they fall over when the police chase them – although it does explain their strange swagger… Then you have the Chavlets who will shout abuse at you at any given opportunity, nasty little things who are ‘educated’ at either Reading Girls (no it’s not posh like Reading Boys) or JMA (a state of the art school infiltrated with chavs), arguably the roughest schools in Reading. Whatever you do avoid Whitley at all costs unless you have a death wish.

Tilehurst – home of the wanna-be chavs. This subgroup of chavs have reasonably rich mummies and daddies who are willing to pay for their shitty corsa’s to be kitted out in the normal chavtastic way. Mainly reside in Dee Road, but choose to hang out in The Triangle.

Southcote – home of the top 2 worst schools in Reading; Prospect and Hugh Faringdon. Hugh Faringdon was situated next to a posh private school (which has recently been closed down), and to give you an idea of how rough it is each school had to ‘release’ their students at different times, different start times, different breaktimes and different home times, because of the amount of assualts taking place. If you don’t believe me just take a bus journey (can’t drive through it as the council have put bus ramps up in an attempt to stop joy riders) through Southcote… all the streets are the same, typical council houses with all the scrotes hanging out in the park smoking weed or drinking whilst ‘looking after’ their off-spring If at all possible, avoid getting the number 26 bus otherwise you’ll be subject to half an hour of either male chavs asking for your number or chavlets talking about their latest friend to get herself pregnant.

Calcot – Overflow carpark of Tilehurst and Southcote. Red Cottage Drive being the main council estate, with Garston Cresent a close second, but there are various other council houses dotted around the place. Ikea have bought the land where most chavs from calcot congregate, behind Savacentre where Utopia used to be. The thick shites rob glue from Homebase and then break into Utopia to sniff it and probably take more drugs… there’s plenty of used needles to see if you look close enough. The closest school is either Little Heath or Theale Green. Never send your child to Theale Green. A few years ago (when I was there) 4 knives were confiscated from students within 1 term and things are regularly burnt down or vandilised.

Caversham Park – General dump, full of gobby little shits and filthy families. Common to hear of shootings or stabbings and you may even be lucky enough to witness one if you risk going out at night. Not much else to say apart from keep clear…

Winnersh – full of druggies and scabby teenage girls gagging to get laid. Has got an all girls school which should be nuked to stop these scummers breeding. Generally found hanging about in Winnersh Triangle hassling people for a cigarette or generally just giving you abuse.

Reading also has bad crime statistics:

(off findapropery website)

Clearly. Stay away from Reading, even the nice places (Shinfield, Caversham Heights and err can’t think of anymore!) are slowly being poisoned with this filth… As soon as I can get out of this Hellhole I will do, the sooner the better!

By: Jess

Torquay- The largest town, with all the shops, Torquay is the place the chavs and everybody else goes when they want an okayish shoppping trip but can’t be f**ked to go somewhere decent. Torquay is where the slutty female chavs gather to buy clothes and hang out, it is also the place with all the nightclubs and alcohol are and, during the night drunk and passed out chavs.

Paignton- Next largest, Paignton is where the skatepark filled with skateboarder chavs and little chav wannabes hang out. Less critical situataion than Torquay but it has paignton community college which is home to the majority of the bay’s teen pregnancies. In the various sections of paighnton there is a flux in the number of chavs depending which housing estate your in.

Brixham- fewer chavs here but still quite a few. Sometime if you wonder past the swimming pool just after school you can see 12-16 year old chavs smoking in their uniformand stuff along those lines. Thepopulation in brixham is slightly more normal but there is a clear emo/goth culture as well but in the last few years they have become less noticeable.

Churston: Small have pub and posh grammer school and yeah don’t know much bout’ Churston

Galmpton: t’s next to Churston

comment if you have anything to add