I cannot believe that this scumhole of the North has not yet been recorded as one of the worst chav towns in the entirety of the U.K. Halifax is a town that has, or should I say, used to have, the reputation of an honest, working man’s town, with everyone living in harmony, with very little trouble. However, following various recessions, and a lack of employment, a certain species of life came out of the dark cracks of society and reared it’s ugly head. This is the northern Yorkshire chav, and these tend to nucleate in the poorest neighbourhood of Halifax, Mixenden. On a weekday, you may not get so much trouble. The scum tend to stay indoors and drink, smoke cannabis or snort plant fertiliser using their dole money that the honest tax payer was obliged to surrender. The off licences, or offies as they are called in Halifax, are constantly out of varius alcohols such as Frosty Jack’s Cider, Kestrel and Skoll. All the stereotypical alcohols of choice of the chav scum that inhabit the area. On the weekend, trouble really does kick off. Such degeneration is rife, that even bus shelters are never spared. 

Wander into a park on a weekend evening. A common sight to see in Mixenden are bottles of cheap generic brand lager that are strewn on the floor, and old bags of cannabis and other drugs are found too. The smell of urine and cannabis hang in the air, and you can hear the local slurred dialect of the parasitic chav, maybe arguing, having mannerisms such as saying ‘swear down’ after every sentence, overuse of the word ‘innit’ etc. Beware of sitting on park benches; semen from the chavs or other fluids secreted from the chav vermin may still be present on the benches after a night of drunken sex in the park. Fine examples ae always seen on the Jeremy Kyle Show; if the people have a Yorkshire Accent, chances are they hail from Mixenden or any other similar Yorkshire breeding area. 

The chav demographic of Mixenden is similar to those of other infested scumholes of the United Kingdom. Male chavs from the age of 16+ tend to be found sitting on fences, smoking roll-ups, maybe with a bottle of White Star. The look in the eyes will be typical to that of the species, bloodshot and dazed. Women, once again 16+, are once again found smoking, with large ear piercings and tacky clothing, pushing along a baby stroller with a poor maldeveloped child inside (from drinking and taking drugs when pregnant). Odds are, the child will be eating a McDonald’s sandwich. Children can often be seen wearing tracksuits, and standing outside offies with money, begging you to go inside and buy cigarettes for them.

 When we consider Mixenden, we feel sorry for the country. These sponges ought to be rid of. My immediate suggestion would be to close off the areas, withdraw all alcohol and tobacco from offies in the locality, and perhaps sterilising all of the women. Only by this means will we be able to move forward.

By: davey